Dear Internet Side chick:
I never thought I would ever thank you for coming onto my husband, which caused a low grade emotional affair, but that’s exactly what I’ll say… thank you. I also say low grade because with everything I’ve read, our situation could have been a lot worse. Had you not started sending him pics and asking for his, he wouldn’t have ever sent any, but I’m glad now that you guys did.
I’ll explain why in a bit, but first, I need to vent and because I can’t actually tell you what I think directly, I’ll put it here and Eliandra11, from somewhere on the east coast, I hope your husband sees this. I’ve screenshot what I needed, should i ever get an opportunity to show him. I hope when/if he does, you can suffer some consequences for your instigation, the way my husband has. Yes, I know what you told him in secret and were continuing to send photos…he didn’t ask, you’d just send and he’s a man. My man, but a man nonetheless. Why would he do that you ask? Well, my husband is committed to US, so he’s answered with as much proof as possible any/all of my questions so we can move forward quickly and leave you in the history books.
You are nothing to us now. Just a random internet nobody, who made my husband realize he already had everything he needed/wanted in me and he was willing to do anything to not lose me, especially over nothing.
You were unhappy in your marriage and my husband and I were not in tune anymore, so through the randomness of the universe (as you were both in the same “world” on a game, and thousands of miles away) you guys started talking.
I understand your coming onto my husband, I truly do and I really can’t blame you..I hit on him at one time too. He is freaking hot, sweet, amazing and MINE. Plus, with you having no profile pic on your chat app, you could have looked like anything lol. All he saw was your boobs. All you were to him was a internet escape, like porn, when we were so unconnected in the mind.
So, Eliandra11, from the east coast…were you 300 pounds? Fugly? Purple with polka dots? Scared he’d be like no thanks when you guys started talking if he saw you? Short? Tall? Drug addict? Alcoholic? Young? Old? Prostitute? Yes, probably that one for sure because you from what I’ve seen, you’re a whore already. No self respecting married women would send nudes to a random married guy, knowing they were having relationship issues, unless you were trying to cause a problem. Anyway, I honestly have no clue what you looked like and he doesn’t either, but I really don’t care. Which really makes me laugh now because you were literally nothing. Just some random, no age giving, nobody lol.
The day I got the feeling and checked is a day hopefully, someday, I can forget, but right now it’s as vivid as ever. He was in the shower when I got the feeling in the basement while doing laundry and there was his phone. Nothing out of the ordinary until I look at apps and see line chat. My heart skipped probably 20 beats. We have had an issue in the past with that app, but not like this, and we both agreed not to have apps like this. I open the app and what do I see? His game conversations, and the one with you. I clicked it, scrolling a bit saw one of his pics and your response of I like pics like that in the morning….I had SO. MUCH. RAGE. I felt my perfect illusion crashing into me like a 20 foot tidal wave. I’m thinking omg omg omg this can’t happen to me! Men stray for sex and ours is good! What? Why? Omg this isn’t real, it can’t be!
As Cardi B says in her song Thru Your Phone: “My hearts beating, like it’s bleeding out” is just one emotion besides rage I felt. One of the worst days of my life, D-day.
I took the phone upstairs and made him get out of the shower so I could confront him. As soon as I did and said I have your phone as proof, he confessed everything, with tears and shame. My husband does not show much emotion and never crys. In our almost 10 years, I’ve seen him cry maybe 3 times. Funny, that’s the exact number of photos that he sent you.
Anyway, he’d been pretty protective of his phone since starting that game, but it didn’t bother me because in my illusion, everything was ok, I trusted him and our sex never suffered, he still spoiled me like normal and we did our own thing. Not realizing we were avoiding problems, no matter how small by creating a bigger one. We loved each other, but were more like a partnership than relationship with no communication.
That’s what happens when you accidentally get pregnant, 6 months after you make the decision to move in together. We’ve had a pretty good try for almost 10 years and all good things come to an end. Which, would this NOT have happened, we may have split up. We both needed a wake up. You were it.
I escaped by shopping, nothing better than retail therapy…but this caused him to get more stressed about money, pulling us further apart….closer to you. You listened to him, comforted him, then baited him. You were telling him everything I was, it’s just with us disconnected, he wasn’t hearing me. You also had no responsibilitys with him like mortgage, bills, kids etc and it was easy to talk without the real world problems. Looking with a clear head now, I see he cared so little for you, you didn’t even know we have 3 kids lol.
So, the one time I get a strong gut feeling something wasn’t right, he leaves his phone around for me to find before you got bold enough to send different types of pics or videos of more than your chest. Hello Universe intervention! He was wanting to get caught. He knew it wasn’t right, but things weren’t good at all between us and with no communication, he had no way to tell me what was missing and he needed. Just like I couldn’t tell him.
Come to find out, after we talked more in a few days than we previously had the entire year, and reading everything we could on affairs, relationships, why men cheat etc, we both realized that we really just wanted each other, but with no communication, we couldn’t tell each other. After we were done talking for a bit, well, more like me yelling and freaking out, I couldn’t understand why I wanted to jump him a few days later. In a way I hadn’t in awhile.
I was like, girl, he was exchanging pics with someone else and you’re going to reward him for it because you’re horny. Wth is wrong with you? You don’t even know if you’re staying or going yet! Well, we did it anyway and it was O.M.G. seriously UNFORGETTABLE, better than its felt since before our youngest.
Of course that really freaked me out, not only because we were having sex again so soon, but it was better for both of us, and went to Google. Typed in why does sex feel better after he cheated and millions of results came up with information on “hysterical bonding”. Basically, you are literally hanging onto each other, scared to lose one another and wanting to reconnect. It was also the one way I could still feel connected to him in a way she never did/could. There’s tons of info on this subject, trust me I’ve read so much lately. Affairs either break you or wake you up. We were woke up. We really missed each other.
Yup…. my husband and I are not only going to get through this, we’re going to be stronger and closer than ever, with a forever almost guaranteed because we both want it and will work on us. We know what’s at stake. The real possibility of me leaving was his wakeup call and I have the man back I originally fell in love with, but an even better version. It was my wakeup call too on how much I really loved and appreciated him.
There will still be hard days, we both know this, but he’s there for me every step and every question letting me have my reaction without reacting. I’m also going to refer back to this post as a reminder that it’s all good. Our communication is better than ever and will continue to improve as we work on us. We both finally are where we need to be.
We had everything we both want and need, right in front us, but were too unconnected to see it. Now we are reconnected and closer than ever with the most awesome sex of our lives.
You didn’t break us up, you made us up. That’s why I want to say thank you.